"A guy cut me off in traffic, and I called him a stupid f***. My kids asked what that meant, and I told them it means he can’t f***ing drive."
"The worst part of riding in a blimp: No bathrooms. The best part: Windows that open."
"Gaga just did a Vogue photoshoot wearing only raw meat. When she does it, it's art - when I do it, it's "Daddy, you ruined another BBQ."
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