Mitch that itch

Mitch Hedberg has some funny ones:

"A lot of bars have black lights, and when a bar has black lights, everybody looks very cool -- except for me, because I was under the impression that the mustard stain came out."

"Wearing a turtleneck is like getting strangled by a really weak guy all day."

"I was at a casino. I was standing by the door, and a security guard came over and said, 'You gotta move -- you're blocking the fire exit...'  -As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run."